new blog

i love this blog, but it served its purpose. my mom always knew i was alive when i was in phayao and only one accident to report! i've started a new blog targeted to my new job and an old theme of this blog -- giving.

start reading here.

☮ ❤ :)

even though i miss kwan phayao, there is a lake here, too, and it's beautiful. time here has been... time. it's amazing how adventurous and unexpected two months in thailand could be and here in america two months means i've been to a lot of malls. but life changes quickly, here, as well. i am the new executive director of JP's Peace Love & Happiness Foundation -- i'm finally a philanthropist! i will be managing a small family foundation in austin, texas. phillip will continue writing and editing for various businesses.

we're both so fortunate to have jobs, supportive family, and a recent popularization of mobile food trucks nearby, but a teeny tiny part of me wishes i was still in thailand. or india. or the dominican republic. i miss the places i've lived and the people i've met. but i guess that's a function of growing up as much as it is traveling.

the good thing is it's all starting to make more sense to me. all the school, the organizations i've worked for (good and bad), the traveling on buses and planes and trains and boats, the waiting (ohmygosh the WAITING), the awkward cultural transitions (mainly coming back to america), i feel like i'm ready for this opportunity to give money away. i know more about people, more about places and more about what works and doesn't. it's not a formula, but i feel more confident and i know for sure what does NOT work. i may not be where i want (i still have 4 continents to visit!), but i'm precisely where i should be.

sh*t my grandparents say

the hilarious twitter feed sh*t my dad says has launched a book and, what i imagine to be a totally lame, CBS show. after a few weeks of living with my grandparents in their awesome birdhouse on lake travis, i totally understand the temptation to share the gems overheard while living at home.

wouldn't you hate for your body to be found in a city dump? -gram

kurt: papa, what's your favorite candy bar?

papa: her name was candy bar, and she was a stripper.

con: i saw papa getting out of a car this morning, wondered who he was with. thought it might be a lady.

gram: i would be open to that. i've even offered to trade!

con: gram, are you a swinger?

gram: i talk a good game, anyway.

i would love to have a prairie dog. -gram

it's worth it

most people ring in a new year wondering what the next twelve months will hold. last week i rang in the new year wondering what i was gonna do on january 1. it was the purest form of new -- no job, no home, no expectations. i liked it.

what i don't like is america... i kid, i kid. i've started a "10 reasons why america sucks" post so many times since arriving here, but i didn't want to alienate my american friends or, uh, citizenship. and really, that's not what i mean. in general, i'm reacting to traffic laws, banal party talk and overpriced cocktails. but some things have been genuinely difficult.

for example, i can count on one hand the number of people who have asked us about our life and work in thailand. instead, it's what are you doing NOW? what are you doing from this point ON? another friend who often travels remarked to me that people in america, even close friends, seem unconcerned with what is going on in her heart and instead focus on what she is doing. phillip and i were blessed by a uniquely compassionate and curious community of expats and thais in thailand, so i feel like we have lived in a cocoon of support. but for many in america, it's always what's next. it's exhausting. in thailand i was most often asked what i ate for lunch. that always annoyed me (because the answer was, invariably, noodles), but now i'm missing the simplicity of it, the fact that it was merely a curiosity without expectation. here, questions are asked with so much expectation, as if people are after information and not simply relating to you.

let's pretend that by now you're asking "gosh, con, how ARE you?" out of fear, if nothing else. the answer is that my heart is breaking a little bit. i miss my home and the trees in my backyard. i miss my friends who understood what i was trying to do with the foundation, even if i never quite got there. i wonder who is telling the older boys to be nice to bas during recess. i wonder if this woman i met on the street in bangkok ever found her 9 year old daughter who disappeared two months ago. i miss the easy laughter that comes in conversations you have with people who don't even speak your language. i miss people who asked how i AM and not what i'm doing.

here in america i am surrounded by people who love me; everyone asking what's next are really trying to be polite and are truly interested, and i get that. but the questions pile on top of each other, day after day, party after party, as if that's what defines me. what are you doing next? damned if i know. but isn't that okay? isn't that enough? aren't i enough? my stories, the memories i have from thailand, my unique perspective? i think i probably just need to chill, but this is my experience over the last few weeks. i am lucky to be an american, lucky to have homes and families here, but i nonetheless find myself craving my life in thailand.

i think part of the reason i was so hesitant to leave thailand was that i was afraid to be seduced by america again. it's so easy to convince yourself that the stuff we see in front of us is worth devoting all of our time and energy to. it's easy to think that this life, this relative wealth, is all there is. it's easy to convince ourselves that streets and stores are supposed to have a homogenous, sterile quality because it keeps us safe and means that we're wealthy. it's easy to look around and see that everyone looks like us and believes like us and implicitly congratulate ourselves for creating our own worlds of relevance. it's easy to believe that what really does matter is what people DO and how successfully they do it. these ideas are so tempting because they impart value to us, they glorify us, and they tell us that we are the center of the universe, that america is the engine that drives the world, not god. i guess this post pretty much amounts to 10 reasons why america sucks, anyway. sorry about that. i don't think everyone in america truly believes that they're the center of the universe, but this is nonetheless how a lot of people here behave because they're tired or jobless or resigned or selfish or whatever.

because i'm afraid of becoming complacent and complicit, i feel the need to promise myself, to promise all of you now that it's worth it. it's worth it to leave. it's worth it it's worth it to meet all new people, to make an ass of yourself learning a language and eating weird bug foods. it's worth it to get sick from eating said weird bug foods. it's worth it to get hit by a bomb, even, if it means that you're completely stripped of what you know and what's familiar. it's worth it to leave the confines of our society and realize that we are not the center, not even a fraction of the universe. it's worth it to know, without a doubt, that god is in control and that i have very little to offer others. it's worth it to know that we aren't what we do, but who we can be. the new is often humbling, surprising, and perhaps even more familiar to us than where we originally began.

the new, the unknown, the unexpected -- it's all worth it. happy new year.

happy new year

merry christmas from the orchuizens

you say you care about the poor. then tell me, what are their names?

-gustavo gutierrez

i come all ye faithful

this was our first photo taken back in the states:

we pretty much feel the same way today, almost 2 weeks later. america is bewildering -- i'm cold, people have changed, i keep pulling out on the left side of the street, the food tastes kinda bland and there are white people EVERYWHERE. i keep thinking i see people i know, but it turns out that all white people just look the same.

my iphone is my favorite distraction. when people are like "so what are you guys doing now?", i can only say "well, i don't have a job, but i do have an iphone!" it makes me look very professional and important. i have to go find a job now. merry christmas!

zilker tree.

mother loves her new hat.

one of my favorite hill country traditions: people decorating orphan trees.

finally made it home when i made it to taco deli.

thailand friends in AMERICA.

rexalicious.

101 ellie-mations

christmas giving

the past two years (2008 and 2009) i did christmas gift guides based on the idea that intentional giving can multiply the effect of a simple gift and can transform the lives of the poor. this year, i am traveling and moving countries, but i wanted to get a few ideas out there, even if i've mentioned them before. here's another guide to giving from glamour magazine that i liked. happy giving!

buy back the bombs - for the person in your life who, say has been hit by a bomb and would like to see them abolished, these bracelets are made from recycled bomb parts in laos (did you know the US dropped more bombs on laos than in vietnam during the war? there's a documentary about it that i want to see). living and traveling in southeast asia, i still hear stories of people dying, as recently as last week, from landmines and unexploded bombs in cambodia and laos.

baking for good - a portion of the proceeds from gingerbread men, peppermint brownies and shortbread goes to the charity of your choosing.

heifer project - every year my favorite and always a hit. give a duck, give some bees or even give an ark. animals go to help small farmers sustainably raise agriculture and livestock to feed ther families and communities.

nightlight - jewelry made by women coming out of life in bangkok's sex industry. your purchase provides jobs and new hope for these women.

feed - i mentioned them in 2008, but their bag has been updated enough times to include a full collection. purchase of each bag all provides meals for children through the UNWFP.

sari bari - great blankets made and accessories made from women formerly working in the sex trade in kolkata. i want one so bad.

for real this time

today is my last day in thailand. yesterday was the king's birthday, which was a celebration i like to think that they held in honor of our going away. it's really beautiful to see the whole country united (if even for a day) and candles make everything seem more peaceful, too.

the last few weeks i have said goodbye to just about everyone i have ever met here and packed everything i own into 50 pound bags. today i will take my 100 pounds of life and no friends with me back to america. why is it that whenever i move i feel like i'm losing all my friends and yet i still have the same damn 50 pounds of stuff i started with?

we are going from bkk -> sfo -> dfw over the next few days and we'll be in austin by next week. i know you're probably as tired of reading about my goodbyes as i am of saying them, so let's all go take a xanax and sleep for the next 24 hours of flights and layovers, shall we?